Never mind the press conferences get the big knife out of the drawer. And term limits aint gunna do ya any good. Pfft! This legendary rant is even better when read. It goes WAY beyond his famous Seven Words You Cant Say on Television (also classic). He spoke about his book "Brain Droppings" and answered questions submitted by the audience. We dont have people like that in this country. Because if its really just the fault of these politicians, then where are all the other bright people of conscience? If you are interested in using one of my images for your website, or if you would like a print, please contact me directly (See the Contact tab). xWnF}WDh%&^6F%&T{84e[A0@-3wUr-*l:, XF{HT+T0?LL q8"y1yY0LV"vQ|8:GwPBr,&]Qt7oz5n Thats right. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying, to get what they want. The late George Carlin was a genius with words, a deft dasher of conventional logic, and a master observer (and master-baiter!) Theyll get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fucking place! They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. I'm tired of fucking Earth Day, I'm tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is there aren't enough bicycle paths. 0000002011 00000 n Mr. GEORGE CARLIN: Here's another slogan you run into all the time "God Bless America." Once again, respectfully I say to myself what the (beep) does that mean. Nobody cares. And then there's the political posts. Sure, there's some good stuff on there, but it's mostly just people filming themselves doing stupid things and hoping to go viral. Do you think its possible that one of these POLITICIANS whose judgment is so poor that he honestly thinks of himself as serving the Nation might occasionally be expected to indulge in little patriotism huh What do you think? Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window). Sure, here's a possible transcript of George Carlin talking about social media: "Let's talk about social media. If you have selfish, ignorant citizensif you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre gunna get selfish, ignorant leaders. `XX /;VU}`M%VO #5Zfb-> We don't need that many. . If it's a really serious matter, they make a JUDGMENT: POLITICIAN: I HAVEN'T MADE A JUDGMENT ON THAT. It's a psychologically satisfying number: the top ten; the ten most wanted; the ten best-dressed. [masturbation gestures] It doesnt mean a fucking thing. It covers the most famous 'rant' part of the speech. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED. Its never going to get any better, dont look for it, be happy with what youve got. Now theres one thing you might have noticed i dont complain about: politicians. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. It's like a bunch of robots pretending to be human. We dont have people like that in this country. 160 Copy quote. It's like they're part of some kind of digital echo chamber. They dont pass through a membrane from some other reality. Look, I'm not against technology or communication. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. I know, they say, they say: well if you dont vote you have no right to complain. [wptabtitle]Blog[/wptabtitle][wptabcontent][/wptabcontent] Personally, I think we still need to hoist our fannies perpendicular and hike ourselves to the ballet box for all elections. They're not your friends. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . Hes right. Nobody cares. Yeah, the public sucks! [187 0 R 188 0 R 189 0 R 190 0 R 191 0 R 192 0 R 193 0 R] Now, folks, a question for you. 'Look at me, I'm so happy and successful and loved!' Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. I mean, why do we need to see some idiot eating Tide pods or jumping off a roof into a pool? BUT WHEN I DO, I'LL ADVISE YOU. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. I think I have done that bit', BAFTA acceptance, Leading Actress - 2019, Axel Scheffler: 'The book wasn't called 'No Room on the Broom! And theyre elected by American citizens. Fuck em. First of all, its meaningless. m o n t c l a i r . Do you? As long he included one additional commandment: Genius is the ultimate source of music knowledge, created by scholars like you who share facts and insight about the songs and artists they love. Dog, Cat, Thinking. Your vote is what determines the direction this Great Ship America will turn. I'M NOT SURE; I HAVEN'T DETERMINED THAT YET (LAUGHS). Because that's where real communication happens, folks. Apparently no one has ever claimed that only a small portion of something (LAUGHS) was blown out of proportion. Your email address will not be published. In fact at this point he might even say: POLITICIAN:I'M WILLING TO TRUST IN THE FAIRNESS OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. This wiki was last updated on 11 Apr 2012 by: Today we're opening contributions to all readers. Tired of that shit. "I don't believe anything the government tells me." - George Carlin 02. The more we pointed out the foolishness of our "superiors," the more they kept us down. Maybe something else sucks around here. (LAUGHS). THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. Its what our system produces. George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and social critic. Fuck em! 193 0 obj I don't words that conceal reality. Religion. To avoid redundancy in the comments section, we kindly ask /u/arkreder to respond to this comment with the prompt you used to generate the output in this post, so that others may also try it out. This is said with a straight face although it's obvious of course that the proposition is stated precisely backwards (LAUGHS). It's our undeniably superior (almost god-like) intelligence that made life difficult for us when we were children. What's with all the selfies? You know, in the old days, if you wanted to share your opinion with someone, you had to look them in the eye and say it to their face. You don't. You have no choice. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? Apparently, his last ballot was cast in 1972for McGovern. And nobody seems to notice. These are the websites where people go to express themselves, right? This is an incomplete transcript made by Raven Developers. Better yet, and more ironic, 'THEY TWISTED MY WORDS.' The planet has been through a lot worse than us. And if we had a list like that, I wouldn't mind that brilliant judge in Alabama displaying it prominently in the courthouse wall. But just as pressure and heat transform coal into diamonds, it's that frustration, social pressure and the heat of anger that transforms us into comedians. All day long beating you over the head in their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. The Secret News (News ticker sound effect), Type out all lyrics, even repeating song parts like the chorus, Lyrics should be broken down into individual lines. To learn more, check out our transcription guide or visit our transcribers forum, Comedian George Carlins take on The Ten Commandments. Yeah, let's share our every thought and feeling with the entire world, because that's what we need, more information. George Carlins daughter, @kelly_carlin, on her first radio show with guest Paul Provenza, talking about this routine. 0000080920 00000 n %PDF-1.3 0000015335 00000 n endobj This shit they shuffle around every four years? We'll start with the first three, and I'll use the Roman Catholic version because those are the ones I was fed as a little boy. hb```b``na` cc`ahd`phQD"#. -{- f1^u0`cp@&CUoM;v> A friend is someone you can count on. Regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians of all time, he was dubbed "the dean of counterculture comedians". But it's all a facade. You enjoy yourselves. George Carlin returns to the stage in Life is Worth Losing, his 13th live comedy stand-up special, performed at the Beacon Theater in New York City for HBO. George Carlin: In football, the object is for the quarterback, otherwise known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by . Two reasons. George Carlin: How you doing? You have owners. People trying to make the world save for their Volvos. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? When they're in trouble, their explanations usually begin simply with words like MISS-COMMUNICATION; QUESTION:WHAT DID YOU DO WRONG, SENATOR?POLITICIAN:WELL, IT WAS A MISS-COMMUNICATION. It's just a curated version of ourselves that we want to present to the world. Clearly he's preparing us for something (LAUGHS). The PEOPLE are fucked. But, he is wrong here. And not that you can help it, I mean the problem is really with the people you cover. They don't fall out of the sky. Marc Allan: Oh, okay, good. 0 Theyll get it. But, listen to Georges delivery in the video and it comes across much more as stand-up humor. Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to step in and save the nation and lead the way? Yeah the public sucks. Retweets do count. (CLAPS, LAUGHS). User Clip: Carlin Mocks Politicians' Language. They're worried that some day in the future, they might be personally inconvenienced. (LAUGHS). Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. Look them in the eye, shake their hand, and share your thoughts and feelings in person. A lot of that goes on: QUESTION:SENATOR, HAVE YOU SOLVED THAT PROBLEM?POLITICIAN:WELL, WE'RE MOVING FORWARD ON THAT. So self-important. POLITICIAN:HE HASN'T RESPONDED TO MY INITIATIVE. So, maybemaybemaybe its not the politicians who suck. This is what we have to offer. I HAVEN'T DETERMINED THAT YET. I do not own this video. A clean place to live. % Most of the images you will find here are available for license or purchase. Updated on May 30, 2018. Maybe something else sucks around here like: THE PUBLIC. <>/Border[0 0 0]/Contents()/Rect[72.0 612.5547 302.8926 625.4453]/StructParent 3/Subtype/Link/Type/Annot>> And you don't want to spend your real life chasing after digital validation.". Just a thought.". (LAUGHS), so instead they ADDRESS the PROBLEM (LAUGHS). Carlin is usually spot on. for Caitlin & Johnny - 2015, Korey Soderman (via Kyle): 'All our lives I have used my voice to help Korey express his thoughts, so today, like always, I will be my brothers voice' for Kyle and Jess - 2014, Bruce Springsteen: 'They're keepers of some of the most beautiful sonic architecture in rock and roll', Induction U2 into Rock Hall of Fame - 2005, Olivia Colman: 'Done that bit. [wptabs style=wpui-mre-basic mode=horizontal background=false] Very relevant for these times of high public paranoia about Global Warming! TOUGH DECISIONS like: POLITICIAN (PLANNING):HOW MUCH SOFT MONEY CAN I EXPECT TO COLLECT IN EXCHANGE FOR MY CORE VALUES? Marc Allan: Hi. It's like they're saying, 'Look at me, look at me! Im talking about the real owners now, the BIG owners! %%EOF So Ive made what i hope is a more readable version below, so this classic piece of polemical gold can be shared and understood more widely. I dont vote. The truth is, obedience and respect should not be granted automatically. And secondly, I dont vote cause I believe if you vote, you have no right to complain. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 54 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves. 'Oh, I'm so exhausted from traveling all over Europe for the third time this year. George Carlin - National Press Club May 19, 1999. Two reasons I dont vote. This is not good work. <> This country was bought and sold and paid for a long time ago. Most are only interested in self pleasures and bad habits. You crowned us', by Toni Morrison - 1988, for Michael Gordon: '13 days ago my Dads big, beautiful, generous heart suddenly stopped beating', by Scott and Sarah Gordon - 2018, Tara Westover: 'Your avatar isn't real, it isn't terribly far from a lie', The Un-Instagrammable Self, Northeastern University - 2019, Tim Minchin: 'Being an artist requires massive reserves of self-belief', WAAPA - 2019, Atul Gawande: 'Curiosity and What Equality Really Means', UCLA Medical School - 2018, Abby Wambach: 'We are the wolves', Barnard College - 2018, Eric Idle: 'America is 300 million people all walking in the same direction, singing 'I Did It My Way'', Whitman College - 2013, Shirley Chisholm: ;America has gone to sleep', Greenfield High School - 1983, Joe Marler: 'Get back on the horse', Harlequins v Bath pre game interview - 2019, Ray Lewis : 'The greatest pain of my life is the reason I'm standing here today', 52 Cards -, Mel Jones: 'If she was Bradman on the field, she was definitely Keith Miller off the field', Betty Wilson's induction into Australian Cricket Hall of Fame - 2017, Jeff Thomson: 'Its all those people that help you as kids', Hall of Fame - 2016, Dan Angelucci: 'The Best (Best Man) Speech of all time', for Don and Katherine - 2019, Hallerman Sisters: 'Oh sister now we have to let you gooooo!' He said: [There was] a lot of classroom freedomin fact there was so much freedom that by eighth grade, many of us had lost the faith. They're your 'likes'. While breaking down these claims on political correctness, Carlin implements his own set of values. Marc Allan: Good, thanks for calling. George Carlin. You know what they want? I think what we really need more of is ritual suicide, you know. (LAUGHS). Something is definitely wrong. Everyone experiences pain, of course. I dont vote. You know what they're interested in? THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED. Reading the text, it sounds like a reasonably serious essaywell, sort of. As a lifelong stand-up comedian, Carlin had a lot of opportunities to speak his mindand religion and politics were two of his favorite subjects. Michael Cooney was a speechwriter for @, George Carlin: 'Politicians don't actually say things, they INDICATE them', National Press Club - 1999. http://www.ravendevelopers.com/blog/2013/0 Bernie Sanders: 'So the next time you hear me attacked as a socialist, remember this', Georgetown University - 2015, Jimmy Carter: 'The threat is nearly invisible in ordinary ways. "Forget the politicians. All rights reserved. Please validate my existence. "In America, anyone can become president. Sure, here's a sample transcript of George Carlin talking about social media in one of his stand-up routines: "Let's talk about social media for a minute. Transcribed part of speech begins at 10.33, 13 May 1999, National Press Club, Washington DC, USA. So, I know that a little later on this year youre gunna have another one of those really swell presidential elections that you like so much [Bill Clinton v. Bob Dole]. And so when finally all the facts come out and our subject seems quite guilty he employs that sublime use of the passive voice: POLITICIAN:MISTAKES WERE MADE.

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